I hated Walt Disney World as a kid. That’s right. I hated Disney World. I went on the absolute worst trip of my life as a kid, a trip to the Worst Place on Earth… Disney World. I’ve vehemently hated everything about Disney except most of the movies (thanks Pixar!) ever since.
What’s that you say? Disney is magical? More like black magic! Puh-lease, I have no time for your fantastical lies.
When I was a wee, young lass, I enjoyed playing outside, riding bikes, reading, lying about schoolwork, watching television and movies, dancing, daydreaming, hanging with friends, sleeping, sneaking snacks… all the normal things a good, red-blooded American girl enjoyed doing. I especially loved amusement parks. The state fair, Six Flags, and Astro World were the epitome of everything I loved and held dear.
When my Mom and Dad did an old school reveal that we (including my stinky brother) were going to Walt Disney World (WDW), I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. I was going to DISNEY!
Yeah, so my Mom hyped us up about all the super dangerous rides and crazy fun we were going to have. It was going to be the best trip ever!
Spoiler Alert: It wasn’t the best trip ever.
Top 10 Mistakes Made on the Worst Vacation of My Life
Mistake #1: We took a lot of detours.
Daddy made a lot of side trip on the voyage from Louisiana to Florida. These side trips included my beloved Aunt, Uncle, Grandfather, and cousins tagging along as well as visiting relatives I’d never met before. Therefore, on some of the days we were supposed to be WDWing, we were visiting people I considered to be strangers.
Mistake #2: My parents did not plan or prepare in any way, shape, or form.
Hotel reservations? No. Tickets purchased in advance? Nope. Some sort of park schedule? Not at all. Driving route mapped out? Absolutely not.
We left home with 4 people going to WDW. We ended up with 10 woefully underprepared people at WDW. Mama and Daddy had a big fight about the side trips and new vacationers. It was one of many fights.
Mistake #3: The adults were not prepared for the cost.
To make matters worse, my Dad and Uncle are two of the cheapest men on the face of the earth. I love them dearly but they are super Scrooges. They complained about the hotel cost, restaurant prices, gas prices, souvenir prices, snack prices, drink prices…
Mistake #4: We woke up late both days then tried to cram in WDW at the speed of light.
Four days of WDW was knocked down to two days. The adults were very slow to start every morning despite our rabid excitement.
Mistake #5: I was told I was going to an amusement park.
WDW was/is not an amusement park. The thrill rides were not so thrilling for a roller coaster junky. There were a lot of rides featuring animatronics. Animatronics! Let me tell you something- if you are a roller coaster lover and you think you are going to experience a lot of roller coasters at Walt Disney World, you are probably going to be a disappointed even today. Six Flags and Busch Gardens are amusement parks. Disney World is a theme park. Knowing that difference will make for a better experience.
Mistake #6: My Mom kept making me take pictures with the characters and getting their autographs. I didn’t care about doing any of that.
All I cared about was Cinderella, and she was nowhere to be found. I humored Mama for a while. Then I had a meltdown, and we were done with that nonsense after that.
Mistake #7: We kept walking past the side shows on the street.
I love live entertainment. I’ve always loved it. So, seeing people dressed up and singing in the Magic Kingdom streets was right up my alley. But nooooooooo, we had dumb characters to meet and tea cups to ride. That eventually spurred a mini meltdown.
Mistake #8: We never ate at the parks. The adults brought snacks and sandwiches.
See mistake #3
Mistake #9: We didn’t stay for any of the Disney nighttime activities.
I’m still mad about this to this very day.
I was a kid in the days when WDW was only Magic Kingdom and Epcot. I was wowed by Epcot when we first walked in. As a science & culture loving kid, I remember thinking, “why in the H-E-double hockey sticks didn’t we come here first?!”*.
Epcot was the coolest freaking thing I had ever seen in my whole entire life. And we saw that entire park in one afternoon. If you’ve been to Epcot, you know how that is a terrible, horrible statement. I still don’t know why we were in such a hurry (mistake #4 had something to do with it).
We didn’t ride any rides. We didn’t eat or take any time in the World Showcase. When the adults were ready to leave, I decided I was done. It was time that I made a break for it. I thought if I just ran fast enough to Spaceship Earth the adults would chase me and see that they were wrong to leave.
While they were whining about how hot it was, I ran. I ran fast too! I ignored their yells and ran to the line. I thought that if I just made it to the line, they would understand how important this all was. Unfortunately, my plan did not go as well as I thought it would. Daddy came and got me, but I had latched on to line rail. He had to pry me off the rail and carried me out of Epcot. That’s what I was told anyway. I really don’t remember any of that seeing as I was in full blown meltdown mode.
From that day on, I HATED Walt Disney World. I’m not going to share the story about the rancid hotel pool, bedbug scare, or the small fire my grandfather started in our roach motel. I have refused to go back on three separate occasions in my teenage and adult life. I vowed never to step foot in any of those wretched parks again.
Spoiler alert: I did step foot into the parks again, and it was pretty awesome.
*At age 9 or 10, I was afraid to say bad words in my head.