My Practical New Year’s Resolutions

Image via Geralt

Image via Geralt

In 2015 I resolve:


To use less toilet paper.

I buy toilet paper at an alarming rate. I really need to cut back on how much toilet paper I use. If I were to do this for 2015, not only would I save money but I’d help the environment as well. I guess I should add help the environment to my list.

To lose my temper less while operating a motor vehicle.

Normally, I am a calm, even-tempered woman. Once I get behind the wheel of a vehicle, that all changes. My sad truth is that I tend to be a very, very angry driver. I don’t tailgate or drive angrily, but I will yell and use less than appropriate language almost every time  I drive.

I have a long list of things I consider egregious vehicular offenses that will unleash ‘The Fury’. The Fury is unleashed when drivers drive too quickly, drive too slowly, drive at inconsistent speeds, or drive the speed limit on a road I have concluded warranted a higher speed limit than the speed limit posted by ‘the man’. The Fury will be awoken if drivers drive beside me too long, if drivers don’t use their turn signal appropriately, if they don’t stay in their lane, or when other drivers take too long to turn. I will become unhinged if a driver refuses to use the turning lane, drives slowly in the passing lane, or comes to a complete stop at a yellow light. My list of what egregious vehicular offenses is long and inconsistent.

I am a road rage hypocrite. Whenever I commit an egregious vehicular offense against another driver, I become indignant nay outraged if it is apparent the driver has the audacity to be unhappy with my poor driving decision(s). How dare they honk their horn at me because I was singing Sade’s Smooth Operator and didn’t see the light change green. That song’s an 80s classic!

I really do not understand why I get so worked up and frustrated when I drive. I should work on that.

To follow directions more.

I waste entirely too much time trying to find an easier way of doing something. 85% of the time, if I just followed the directions, I would take less time fixing mistakes and completely avoid releasing of The Fury when I have to start over and actually follow the directions.

To keep my purse tidier. 

This makes absolutely no sense.

This makes absolutely no sense.

I’m so tired of having to fish through a sea of receipts, old pay stubs, grocery lists, business cards, Sticky Notes, candy paper, old lipstick cases, and whatever else I have packed into my purse. I don’t know how I get to this point. I’ll clean out my purse and cleaning out my purse is an ordeal! I bargain about what I should throw away, shred, and/or keep. It’s overwhelming really. Once done, my purse will be at least 5 pounds lighter. Then BAM! I’m back to purse hoarding.

My truth: I’ve actually just switched purses before instead of cleaning it out because switching is easier. I have a bunch of purses in my closet filled with junk.

To reinvent my punctuality image.

a clock for me

The only thing I’m on time for is work. My friends and family will give me earlier meeting times so that when I’m late I’m actually on time. They make fun of me and sully my good name. For example, if anyone is late they will say they are “pulling a P”. That is destructive to my self esteem. I want to do better just to spite them.


What are your resolutions for 2015?

8 thoughts on “My Practical New Year’s Resolutions

  1. I do the same thing about driving. I do a lot of yelling but never act violently towards anyone else. In Oregon using your horn is VERY strictly reserved for emergencies–we don’t have a honking culture–so anytime anyone uses their horn (whether towards me or another driver) it provokes a string of unkind words about their obviously terrible character.

  2. I laughed looking at that purse picture, but with me it’s my wallet. It drives my wife nuts. I hoard receipts, business cards, scraps of paper with phone numbers adresses or directions, until my wallet is darn near bursting. This year I may try a once a month purge.

  3. I laughed at your road rage because I see me. I have worked really hard mainly because I really enjoy driving and I couldn’t figure out why I would be so angry, when I am doing something I enjoy. I see a correlation between your last one and your first one. I never fixed being late, but I quit setting my clock in the car. I knew I was late when I left and I don’t need a constant reminder on the way. The other thing I noticed was that after I got angry, I found out the driver in front of me was right. For a quick example, the car in front swerved because there was a bucket in the road, while I’m calling them an idiot for not using their blinker, I’m the idiot hitting the bucket I could have avoided. Things like that. AND … Don’t completely resolve your road rage because there ARE idiots out there. Keep it safe. Happy New Year!

    • Hahaha! The same thing happened to me except it was a piece if a 18 wheeler tire. I got a little damage, but a car was beside me so I couldn’t swerve; it was unavoidable. I didn’t change my road rage ways though.

      You are correct. There are both young and old idiots who drive. My anger can get over the top. I’d like to just yell ‘jerk’ and move on instead of getting irrational angry.

      Just yesterday a lady was on her phone and drifted into my lane. I honked my horn and yelled “stay in your lane!” Then I drove off at an appropriate speed. I didn’t lay on my horn, say a bunch of inappropriate words, or call the driver horrible names. I was irrational mad but I didn’t show it.

      Small steps.

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